Puking Etiquette by KJ

There's a few things that are very important about hurling, barfing, puking, and up-chucking. I've been sitting here thinking about them, No i have no idea why. Here's what I have come up with thus far:

Article 1. If you're out with your friends, tying one on this piece really comes into play. Most of bar areas, downtown places all have concrete, asphalt, hard surfaces outside. It's not too often you walk out of the bar into a flower field or grass. So, when and if you are going to spew a.) check your surroundings, are there fellow persons nearby? If so, how close? b.) What type of surface are you going to be depositing your filth upon? If it's a hard surface, watch the splash. Splash puke damage is horrible. Especially if you and your pals are dressed up nicely, I'm sure your banker friend doesn't want last nights ravioli on his Dockers. So, check quickly, adjust accordingly and continue your spectacle for others to enjoy.

Article 2. When you are in the hurried up state of checking your surroundings, telling people to move quick, running with your head down and arms out stumbling to find a place (we've all done it, it's ok) DON'T look at your wingman(woman) in the eyes like you are surprised you are puking, huge bugged out eyes, grasping for help. Yeah, no shit you're puking bud, I just watched you down 3 AMF's and that stripper totally smelled like a garbage disposal. We won't give you the sympathy you are looking for, in fact we are hoping that odds are in our favor so we can laugh twice, once while it's happening, and then in the morning when we get too tell you all about it with better conjured up details "Yeah man you totally kissed tat midget selling hot dogs!"

Article 3. This one gets me to either puke, or dry heave every time. I do NOT want to hear you puke, that includes pieces from Article 1, splashing on flat hard surfaces counts. But the main point is people who scream puke, or bellow like a wild boar. Don't. Just get it out and let's get on our way, I already have enough people staring at me because you're puking in a public fountain, we don't need too attract the wildlife while we're here.

Final thing, when you're done. Chin up, wipe off, and take it like a tough guy say "Man, I'm glad i ate that last night it tasted better coming back up, let's get another beer" I dont want to see you crying or whining and wanting too go home, pick your pride up off the concrete and jump right back in.